Flashbacks...

I had two odd things happen to me yesterday that I'm still puzzling my way through.

At lunch I was sitting in my car, getting ready to go back to work at the bank when I had a flashback. I remembered working at Convergys. It wasn't all that long ago that I worked there, about 15 months or so, so it's not all that odd that I am able to remember it. What makes it odd is that I absolutely hated working there.

Even more odd, the mere fact of remembering working there nearly caused me to have a panic attack. 

Last night I dreamed I was still working there. I logged on and off the phone, had conversations with people who were calling in. It was a dream, so things were a little different. You know, my current coworkers were there, the colors were different, things like that. 

I was woken up by Chelsea coming to bed. I don't know that I've ever been so grateful to be woken up.

I got up and went to the bathroom. When I got back, Chelsea apologized for waking me. I told her I was grateful. Then I went back to sleep. Luckily, I didn't return to Convergys.

These experiences got me to thinking, "What if I still had to work there? What if I hadn't found a job at the bank?" This was a sobering thought. If I'm honest with myself, with the way I felt after working for Convergys for only 3 months, if I had to stay there for well over a year there's a very real possibility that I would have taken my own life. 

It's not a pleasant thought and it makes me that much more grateful for the job I have now. I don't love every day, but I enjoy  my job and my coworkers. I like what I do. Is it my forever career? No. It is a good place for me to be right now while Chelsea and I work out what to do next.

Thank goodness for good jobs.